Sunday, April 02, 2006
MARY, THE LITTLE LAMB
MARY, THE LITTLE LAMB
I say women are have become impossible to deal with these days. Time was when a chap said hello to a girl she’d blush and lower her gaze. It was so charming, guys felt like getting to know the shrinking violet better, hehe, to push apart her petals and to delve deep into her innocent depths. Old India was just wonderful, old chap. But see how things are these days, they dress so brazenly, they’re crying out to be molested. It's so boring, yaar, it takes the challenge out of the whole game. Two bold persons, that’s dull, but one soft, the other hard, wah, what a combination! Usko kehte hain, wah kya cheez hai!
Now take my secretary. She's a Mack and you know how they are. Always willing to jump into the sack as long as she gets a couple of drinks. Look at her cleavage, have you seen her today, hang on, I'll call her into the room just so you can have a generous dekho and see what’s on offer. I'm a sharing kind of guy, what's mine is yours, buddy. When you get lucky, have one for me.
Miss Pereira, can you come in with the files of the Jaitley case, no, that can wait, this is urgent. I have an urgent letter for you do right away. Paresh, watch, yaar, see how I patao her. Watch the master in action. Take note of her dumplings, you don’t get too many of those in a kilo.
Ah, Ms Pereira, come in. No, there's no need to feel shy, this is my friend from U.S.A. New York, Paresh. Now, Miss Pereira, can you pull your chair up close, yes, that's it, my throat’s giving me trouble today and I really can’t speak over a whisper. Now, that's better. You'll be able to hear me better, and I can see you better.
By the way, Paresh was asking me earlier if it was possible for me to arrange a sightseeing trip around town. I thought you’d be the ideal person to show him the local sights. You could have the rest of the day off. Ok? That's fixed, see, Paresh, I told you I have a great secretary. Now would you send a letter to Jaitley and his lawyer that we are in no mood to compromise, why should we compromise, eh, Miss Pereira ? Heh, heh! Moreover, the offer is wide open, right Paresh, subject to their acceptance. We are willing to go all the way provided they are. One has to be tough, Miss Pereira, that’s what business is about. No, don’t put that in. After all, you haven’t been here long enough to know how our company works. Now continue the letter. On the other hand, we will spare nothing if they come around to our terms. Yours etc. Miss Pereira, at what time will you be free to start the tour? Three o'clock okay, let’s say, fifteen minutes from now? Fine, use the company car. Paresh, she’ll show you India with its various hues. All you have to do is to make sure you drop her home after dinner. Right. Thanks again, Miss Pereira. It’s sweet of you, I’ll keep it in mind.
So what did you think of her, buddy? Nice knockers yaar, did you see the outline of her bra through her blouse? Plenty to get your hands on, you are going to be in heaven, you lucky guy. Me ? No, yaar, I don't mix business with pleasure and some of us are just happy imagining, that way the fun lasts longer. If I was to f--- her then what would be left for me to imagine ? Oh, she’d give herself to me only too gladly. In fact, I came very close to succumbing to her generous charms only last month when she approached me for a loan for her brother’s operation for God knows what. She said, please, sir, I'll do anything for the money, please help me. Now I ask you, which gallant man can resist such an offer? But I thought of Aruna and how much trouble she’s been having with my week-end affair and then I thought, jaane do yaar, there will be other opportunities its better to be a voyeur-you can’t let your imagination run riot.
But I remember well, when I had got so close to a girl in my last job, you know. When our marriage was twelve years old I was depressed because my juniors superseded me. Then this girl, from the typing-pool shared her lunch with me, and we became friends. You know, yaar, how Aruna is, no time for fun, always serious, always doing the right thing, you know the kind that has something up her... this girl was so warm. She was like a warm blanket for me on a cold night. She was divorced and although her flat was tiny it was peaceful. It was the one place I could chill out. I’d visit her on Sundays. I’d tell Aruna that I was drinking with the "guys". You know she hates drinks, she is so boring and straight.
But Asha was different; she'd cook mutton curry and rice for me (we don’t cook non-veg at home, we are vegetarians, yaar). We'd have a few drinks and then we'd get down to great sex. God, she was India's answer to the geisha girl. She did whatever I desired unquestioningly, patiently, even now when I remember it yaar, it turns me on, heh heh.
What happened? Well, Aruna caught on and eventually somebody told her that my car was often parked below Asha's flat. One of her idiotic cousins who lived in the same colony asked her why she visited the colony so often and never looked them up. Aruna’s no fool, yaar, she understood. One Sunday when I had thoroughly enjoyed Asha’s cooking and over, haha, completely satisfied with life, I found Aruna waiting for me, sitting in Asha's building foyer,by the lift. As I got out of the lift I saw her.. She glared at me and walked away. It was scary, yaar, who wants complications with these chicks, they don't understand how a guy is made, buddy. Kya karega, yaar, I had to apologise, what about society? Divorce is difficult and Aruna is good to me in so many ways. There were tears, scenes, and finally one day when I got home late I was locked out. I returned to Asha's flat and spent the night there. I decided there in Asha's flat that this had gone on long enough, this wasn’t going to work, where’s the fun, yaar, if the wife knows everything? The thrill goes out of the window. And to top it all why should I lose everything for an easy lay? Women with no character know the score, it’s only a lay. I paid her a few thousand rupees and cleared out.
Where is she now? Oh, didn't I tell you? Things got difficult for her because the company had to choose between the two of us. I knew the company's secrets and also had a god-father in high places. They asked her to quit and she left. Just as well I didn’t choose Asha, yaar, because I’d have been in trouble. Two months later I read of her committing suicide. Now where would that have left me, I ask you?
Better the safe and boring anytime. Naturally,I was upset, but kya kare yaar, we have our own lives to lead. But she was something else in bed, oof kya body thi yaar! I’d have introduced you to her but you’ll have to make do with Miss Pereira. I get hot when she wiggles out of my office. Imagine her doing the rumba, shaking her maraccas to music!
Don't forget to offer her a couple of drinks, that really makes everything easy, you know how their body eases, their eyes brighten, oh god, you are gonna have an unforgettable time. I wish I could photograph her in her birthday suit. Arrey, do you know about the Jalgaon scandal? I've been trying to get my hands on those movies, yaar, but I just don't know the right people. Real life, real women, trapped on camera, blackmailed into surrendering their virginity. I’d give anything to see pure virgins in the act….
Miss Pereira, are you ready to go with Paresh ? No, no, you don't need to change your clothes, they are just fine, especially your blouse is so pretty. Don't bother about anything, you're just fine as you are. Paresh is a very simple chap in any case, he's not fussy. You'll find him easy to please, unlike your boss, eh? Heh heh heh. Okay, he'll be out in two minutes.
Okay, old chap, you are all set, and here, I’ve got something for you to take some rubbers. With these you don’t catch anything. After all, who knows about these immoral women, today they'll sleep with you, tomorrow with anybody off the streets. They’re real bitches, yaar, they don't deserve our respect or trust. Just love them and leave them so they know that it's our world and its we that wear the pants. Oh, they may moan and cry but believe me they are gagging for it. They can’t get enough of it. Its our generosity that give them some meaning in life, otherwise what are they? Just bitches, yaar, that's all these women are. Be nice to her today so she’s yours for the next five days, free of charge! Women don't like being treated badly at first but later they enjoy the suspense and the hurt and agony, the deeper you hurt them the more they come back. Can you respect such creatures? Love them and leave them but always wear a rubber, that’s my motto.
Now off you go, have a good time and don't forget to give me a, hehe, blow by blow account. Here let me give you a tip. Tell her how unhappy you are, nobody understands you and that you are nursing a broken heart. Get a couple of tears in your eyes and she'll offer you her hanky. At that time take her hand and say, for the first time I'm met someone who understands me, why am I so captivated by you? I think I'm in love with you. After that you just don't need to worry. The speed is amazing after that, yaar.
One day I'll show you the list of women I've managed to get into the sack. All I had to say was, nobody understands me. Never fails, old man, never. Now out you go. And when I come to the States don't forget that you owe me an equally good time. I like those broads with their long legs and fair skins. Oh, I can't wait, yaar, I am not too keen on the silicon jobs though, squeeze too hard and they burst!
Oh, that reminds me. I almost forgot the contract ! Yes, that's all done. Everything is signed stamped and ready. All you have to do is to put your signature on the dotted line. I've done my bit. Now it's your turn. Yes, right here. Good. That’s done now, man, now we are in business. See you, have a good time and call me if you run out of rubber. I'll send it across, in a brown-paper envelope, surrounded by papers and files. Now off you go.
Yes, Miss Pereira, you may go. And remember that Paresh is important to our company, not merely as a friend but more, much more. You don't know what he has done for me, and how valuable he is as a client.
Go on now, out you get. See India in it's true colours, yaar, get a true taste of India. You will find doing business with us a real pleasure. Her first name? Let me think, yes, now I remember, its Mary.
*********************************************************************************
I say women are have become impossible to deal with these days. Time was when a chap said hello to a girl she’d blush and lower her gaze. It was so charming, guys felt like getting to know the shrinking violet better, hehe, to push apart her petals and to delve deep into her innocent depths. Old India was just wonderful, old chap. But see how things are these days, they dress so brazenly, they’re crying out to be molested. It's so boring, yaar, it takes the challenge out of the whole game. Two bold persons, that’s dull, but one soft, the other hard, wah, what a combination! Usko kehte hain, wah kya cheez hai!
Now take my secretary. She's a Mack and you know how they are. Always willing to jump into the sack as long as she gets a couple of drinks. Look at her cleavage, have you seen her today, hang on, I'll call her into the room just so you can have a generous dekho and see what’s on offer. I'm a sharing kind of guy, what's mine is yours, buddy. When you get lucky, have one for me.
Miss Pereira, can you come in with the files of the Jaitley case, no, that can wait, this is urgent. I have an urgent letter for you do right away. Paresh, watch, yaar, see how I patao her. Watch the master in action. Take note of her dumplings, you don’t get too many of those in a kilo.
Ah, Ms Pereira, come in. No, there's no need to feel shy, this is my friend from U.S.A. New York, Paresh. Now, Miss Pereira, can you pull your chair up close, yes, that's it, my throat’s giving me trouble today and I really can’t speak over a whisper. Now, that's better. You'll be able to hear me better, and I can see you better.
By the way, Paresh was asking me earlier if it was possible for me to arrange a sightseeing trip around town. I thought you’d be the ideal person to show him the local sights. You could have the rest of the day off. Ok? That's fixed, see, Paresh, I told you I have a great secretary. Now would you send a letter to Jaitley and his lawyer that we are in no mood to compromise, why should we compromise, eh, Miss Pereira ? Heh, heh! Moreover, the offer is wide open, right Paresh, subject to their acceptance. We are willing to go all the way provided they are. One has to be tough, Miss Pereira, that’s what business is about. No, don’t put that in. After all, you haven’t been here long enough to know how our company works. Now continue the letter. On the other hand, we will spare nothing if they come around to our terms. Yours etc. Miss Pereira, at what time will you be free to start the tour? Three o'clock okay, let’s say, fifteen minutes from now? Fine, use the company car. Paresh, she’ll show you India with its various hues. All you have to do is to make sure you drop her home after dinner. Right. Thanks again, Miss Pereira. It’s sweet of you, I’ll keep it in mind.
So what did you think of her, buddy? Nice knockers yaar, did you see the outline of her bra through her blouse? Plenty to get your hands on, you are going to be in heaven, you lucky guy. Me ? No, yaar, I don't mix business with pleasure and some of us are just happy imagining, that way the fun lasts longer. If I was to f--- her then what would be left for me to imagine ? Oh, she’d give herself to me only too gladly. In fact, I came very close to succumbing to her generous charms only last month when she approached me for a loan for her brother’s operation for God knows what. She said, please, sir, I'll do anything for the money, please help me. Now I ask you, which gallant man can resist such an offer? But I thought of Aruna and how much trouble she’s been having with my week-end affair and then I thought, jaane do yaar, there will be other opportunities its better to be a voyeur-you can’t let your imagination run riot.
But I remember well, when I had got so close to a girl in my last job, you know. When our marriage was twelve years old I was depressed because my juniors superseded me. Then this girl, from the typing-pool shared her lunch with me, and we became friends. You know, yaar, how Aruna is, no time for fun, always serious, always doing the right thing, you know the kind that has something up her... this girl was so warm. She was like a warm blanket for me on a cold night. She was divorced and although her flat was tiny it was peaceful. It was the one place I could chill out. I’d visit her on Sundays. I’d tell Aruna that I was drinking with the "guys". You know she hates drinks, she is so boring and straight.
But Asha was different; she'd cook mutton curry and rice for me (we don’t cook non-veg at home, we are vegetarians, yaar). We'd have a few drinks and then we'd get down to great sex. God, she was India's answer to the geisha girl. She did whatever I desired unquestioningly, patiently, even now when I remember it yaar, it turns me on, heh heh.
What happened? Well, Aruna caught on and eventually somebody told her that my car was often parked below Asha's flat. One of her idiotic cousins who lived in the same colony asked her why she visited the colony so often and never looked them up. Aruna’s no fool, yaar, she understood. One Sunday when I had thoroughly enjoyed Asha’s cooking and over, haha, completely satisfied with life, I found Aruna waiting for me, sitting in Asha's building foyer,by the lift. As I got out of the lift I saw her.. She glared at me and walked away. It was scary, yaar, who wants complications with these chicks, they don't understand how a guy is made, buddy. Kya karega, yaar, I had to apologise, what about society? Divorce is difficult and Aruna is good to me in so many ways. There were tears, scenes, and finally one day when I got home late I was locked out. I returned to Asha's flat and spent the night there. I decided there in Asha's flat that this had gone on long enough, this wasn’t going to work, where’s the fun, yaar, if the wife knows everything? The thrill goes out of the window. And to top it all why should I lose everything for an easy lay? Women with no character know the score, it’s only a lay. I paid her a few thousand rupees and cleared out.
Where is she now? Oh, didn't I tell you? Things got difficult for her because the company had to choose between the two of us. I knew the company's secrets and also had a god-father in high places. They asked her to quit and she left. Just as well I didn’t choose Asha, yaar, because I’d have been in trouble. Two months later I read of her committing suicide. Now where would that have left me, I ask you?
Better the safe and boring anytime. Naturally,I was upset, but kya kare yaar, we have our own lives to lead. But she was something else in bed, oof kya body thi yaar! I’d have introduced you to her but you’ll have to make do with Miss Pereira. I get hot when she wiggles out of my office. Imagine her doing the rumba, shaking her maraccas to music!
Don't forget to offer her a couple of drinks, that really makes everything easy, you know how their body eases, their eyes brighten, oh god, you are gonna have an unforgettable time. I wish I could photograph her in her birthday suit. Arrey, do you know about the Jalgaon scandal? I've been trying to get my hands on those movies, yaar, but I just don't know the right people. Real life, real women, trapped on camera, blackmailed into surrendering their virginity. I’d give anything to see pure virgins in the act….
Miss Pereira, are you ready to go with Paresh ? No, no, you don't need to change your clothes, they are just fine, especially your blouse is so pretty. Don't bother about anything, you're just fine as you are. Paresh is a very simple chap in any case, he's not fussy. You'll find him easy to please, unlike your boss, eh? Heh heh heh. Okay, he'll be out in two minutes.
Okay, old chap, you are all set, and here, I’ve got something for you to take some rubbers. With these you don’t catch anything. After all, who knows about these immoral women, today they'll sleep with you, tomorrow with anybody off the streets. They’re real bitches, yaar, they don't deserve our respect or trust. Just love them and leave them so they know that it's our world and its we that wear the pants. Oh, they may moan and cry but believe me they are gagging for it. They can’t get enough of it. Its our generosity that give them some meaning in life, otherwise what are they? Just bitches, yaar, that's all these women are. Be nice to her today so she’s yours for the next five days, free of charge! Women don't like being treated badly at first but later they enjoy the suspense and the hurt and agony, the deeper you hurt them the more they come back. Can you respect such creatures? Love them and leave them but always wear a rubber, that’s my motto.
Now off you go, have a good time and don't forget to give me a, hehe, blow by blow account. Here let me give you a tip. Tell her how unhappy you are, nobody understands you and that you are nursing a broken heart. Get a couple of tears in your eyes and she'll offer you her hanky. At that time take her hand and say, for the first time I'm met someone who understands me, why am I so captivated by you? I think I'm in love with you. After that you just don't need to worry. The speed is amazing after that, yaar.
One day I'll show you the list of women I've managed to get into the sack. All I had to say was, nobody understands me. Never fails, old man, never. Now out you go. And when I come to the States don't forget that you owe me an equally good time. I like those broads with their long legs and fair skins. Oh, I can't wait, yaar, I am not too keen on the silicon jobs though, squeeze too hard and they burst!
Oh, that reminds me. I almost forgot the contract ! Yes, that's all done. Everything is signed stamped and ready. All you have to do is to put your signature on the dotted line. I've done my bit. Now it's your turn. Yes, right here. Good. That’s done now, man, now we are in business. See you, have a good time and call me if you run out of rubber. I'll send it across, in a brown-paper envelope, surrounded by papers and files. Now off you go.
Yes, Miss Pereira, you may go. And remember that Paresh is important to our company, not merely as a friend but more, much more. You don't know what he has done for me, and how valuable he is as a client.
Go on now, out you get. See India in it's true colours, yaar, get a true taste of India. You will find doing business with us a real pleasure. Her first name? Let me think, yes, now I remember, its Mary.
*********************************************************************************
